The G-force of a mood swing

It always strikes me how much stronger emotions are whenever I’m not at home. One of my goals for this year was to live them, my emotions. I think emotions are important, so I treasure them. Without our ability to have fun, to feel sad or angry or to be scared, human race would not have lasted long, I think. Evolution made sure only those with emotions survived.

If we had never feared, the sabertooths would have feasted.

If we had never enjoyed, Sartre would have killed us all.

If we had never cried, no war would have ever ended.

If we had never fought, we would have still been slaves.

Emotions tell us things we might not even be aware of. Fear tells us to watch out; joy tells us we’re doing something good. Sadness tells us something valuable is lost or about to be broken. To be angry means we care. Here, in Madrid, I’ve lived them all in the past days. I live them all, sometimes – usually – with very short intervals in between. I guess that’s what they call mood swings.

Today I had the experience of a mood swing whose downward G-force was so immense that it made me throw up; a free fall in the rollercoaster of my emotions which made me turn pale. The greenness of my youth gave no remedy at all; my usual naivety couldn’t catch up. In a few seconds I went from the heights of happiness to the depths of disappointment – a journey my stomach couldn’t handle.

I started in the nice aftermath of – probably – one of the nicest evenings I spent with a relatively unknown girl in a long time. Though it was no “date date”, it could have been and would have been a close to perfect one. This morning I woke up with what might be the opposite of a hang-over: A calm and joyful feeling of having met and had fun with an especially friendly and intelligent young woman. This morning I whistled just a bit too much…

…but then a simple phone call, a simple notice, was just one disappointment too much for the short time I’ve spent in Madrid so far. One simple notice became the one too much in the accumulated pile of disillusionments that I carry around. This little notice, after a few minutes, made me throw up.

Fortunately, in the last year I’ve learned to live my emotions. There’s no control, but there’s understanding about their significance. Emotions are important; they tell me things. I could have swallowed today’s mood swing, kept it in. Throwing it out, however… well… it made me realise yesterday was really special and that today I (almost) lost something valuable. The G-forces of my mood swing were worth that.


(photo by Alun Davey, Flickr.com)